I grew up in Belgium close to Brussels, the capital city. I had a somewhat normal childhood, despite some abusive and traumatic events that took place. As a child I loved nature and animals even though nature and animals aren’t very prevalent in Belgium.
During our summer holidays, we would visit Spain where nature and sun was bountiful. The pace of life in Southern Spain was more relaxed and in tune with the cycles of nature.
I remember telling my mother when I was young, that one day I would live on a farm, somewhere warm with at least 10 dogs. And that I wanted my own horse. My mother laughed and scoffed, saying that when I was 18 and moved out – I could do all that; assuming that this would never happen and that I was being naïve. Some 15 years later though – I was living exactly that haha, and my mother also remembered our conversation and admitted with much disbelief that ‘it really happened’.
Anyway – when I was 12 I moved on from primary school to high school. The highschool was part of the same institution which ran the primary school and I ended up with most of my old friends in my new class. I studied Latin for two years – and even though I enjoyed and was pretty good at it – I didn’t enjoy the level of maturity of my fellow classmates. My mother then proposed that if I was getting miserable there, perhaps I should change schools and go to the high school my brother used to go to – which was an Art high school – known for people to be ‘more mature’. I wasn’t as good at art or drawing as my brother, but I figured it was something that I could develop.
This for me – was actually quite a big deal, because I was a very shy and reserved person. The previous move from primary school to high school had been easy since my entire friend group essentially migrated with me. I still made new friends, but mostly cause other friends made the move first and so I would make new friends ‘through them’.
I was lucky that other people were not as reserved and shy as me and approached me, and eventually got a friends base started there.
The students there were more mature on some level, but on another level they were also more superficial. Because it was an art school, where everything you do is all very visually based, a lot of attention was also placed on looks – and many girls were anorexic or bulimic – trying to turn and shape into a visually appealing ‘art piece’ themselves.
I too fell for this trap for a few years but was able to get myself out of it. I felt purposeless in my life and disempowerd, hoping that if I change my physical appearance, perhaps I could overcome a lot of feelings of inferiority, shyness and what not – and get some control and ‘grip’ on my reality. During this period, I learnt how powerful our words are, in thought, word and deed – as I placed myself in a position to create an eating disorder quite deliberately – and then used the same process to get myself out of it. What we think, what we speak and our behaviour – the way we channel our attention and energy into these media, was clear to me, that this creates and shapes our character.
When I was around 16-17 I really didn’t know what to do with my life. While I had always envisioned myself to go to university and study something like languages or history – thinking that going to University would somehow ‘change my life – I got hit with quite some disappointment after spending some time at the university my sister was attending, to ‘check out’ what it’s like.
It was just more of the same that I had been going through, it’s not a different world – it’s just more the same of what I’ve already been in contact with. I hit a wall, because I didn’t know anymore what I wanted from life or where I was going to go. What’s the purpose of life? Is growing up, going to university, getting a job, getting married and starting a family really all there is to this life?
I started playing around with alcohol and drugs and was basically setting myself up to have a destructive life with a short time span.
Then at some point my brother came home one day (he was staying in Brussels during the week and would come back to our hometown during the weekends) and started sharing some things he had discovered about 9/11. From there, my brother and I went deep down the conspiracy rabbit hole. Going through David Icke, Alex Jones, Jordan Maxwell, Michael Tsarion, David Wilcock, etc –you name it. From there – we plunged into Spirituality and ended up in place where we were simply waiting for 2012 to arrive for aliens to come and save us while we practice ‘raising our vibrations’.
At that point, 2012 was still 5 years away. Five years that I didn’t know what to do with myself.
One weekend I was browsing around on the internet and decided to check out this ‘YouTube’ thing everyone was talking about. I decided to put in some spirituality stuff that we were into at the time, which was Orgone Energy by Wilhelm Reich.
I watched a video and saw a thumbnail on the side that caught my eye. It was a picture of a young little boy with short, white blond hair. I wondered what the hell a young kid would have to say about Wilhelm Reich and Orgone Energy.
I played the video and it soon became clear that this boy was supposedly channelling Wilhelm Reich from the afterlife. I was skeptic and fascinated at the same time. I went to check out the channel from which the video was from, which was Desteni Productions. There were about 400 more videos – covering a whole lot of topics and people coming through.
At first I thought, ‘the parents of this kid must be forcing it to memorize scripts’. The more I watched, the more unlikely that became. All the videos were done in a very short time span, which would be too much material to memorize. Too many of the videos made sense and resonated with me on a deep level. Especially the videos on thoughts, feelings, emotions, and the power of words – as I had experienced this first hand in my experience with eating disorders.
I checked out the website and started reading up on the forum. The boy, was not a boy after all, and not a child either. It was a 20 something year old woman, who back then was going by the name ‘Winged’.
To be continued